*Bella*
My eyes snapped open when I heard the alarm go off the next morning and I moaned, reaching up to slap at it before burying my head back into the pillows and wrapping my arms around it.
I’d had no choice but to dig out the air mattress that had been hiding in the back of my closet since I moved in.
It was not comfortable.
In fact, I usually ended up on the floor when I woke up each morning no matter how much air I’d put into it the night before.
My back had been killing me for the past two nights. Whoever thought that sleeping on the floor would actually readjust your back was sadly mistaken.
My hips were screaming at me, demanding that I move. Or actually go out and buy a new bed.
I didn’t have any intention of doing the first until my alarm went off again and I didn’t really have any spare time to do the second.
Although, it might’ve also had a lot to do with the fact that Rosalie had dragged both Angela and I onto the dance floor for every single song the night before.
Apparently she loved absolutely every song the DJ had played last night. She might not have known the name, who sang it or what the words were, but she claimed to love it and would not let us sit down or stop moving for the entire night.
But then she’d buy a round of drinks and all was forgiven.
I yawned, stretching my arms above my head as I buried my nose deeper into the rough fabric of my pillow case and smiled to myself as my last activities of the night flooded my mind.
My eyes widened then and I sat up straight, staring at the wall in front of me.
Oh. My. God.
I’d kissed him. I’d walked my ass over to his house, knocked on his door and had all but assaulted him when he opened it.
I had kissed Edward Cullen.
My famous neighbor.
The one who had shown no previous interest in me at all.
The one who had also told me that he didn’t hate me for it.
But I was buzzed.
Who wants to upset a buzzed person?
No one, that’s who.
“Oh, my God,” I moaned, leaning forward to bury my head in my hands.
I had to go shopping with him today.
“Oh, my God!” I yelled, fisting my hands in my hair and pulling slightly.
He kissed me back.
“Oh, my God!” I screamed, leaning forward even more and curling up into a ball at the end of the deflated mattress.
I needed to move. There was no way to fix this.
I’d kissed his neck.
“Oh, my God,” I whined into the scratchy blue comforter I’d dug out from the back of my closet as well.
I told him I’d wanted him.
“Oh, my God,” I whimpered, burying my nose into the comforter and on the verge of tears.
I sat up straight again, my hair falling in my face as I stared at the wall in front of me again.
He said that if I meant it, we’d talk about it today.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered, swallowing hard and pressing a hand against my chest as I fought to breathe evenly.
We would talk about it. Meaning there was something to talk about. Meaning that maybe, just maybe, he might feel something for me, too.
“Oh, my God,” I breathed, scrambling off of the air mattress and all but flying into my bathroom.
As I stood under the spray in my shower with my hands in my soapy hair, it was almost hard to imagine how much everything had managed to change within a day.
I’d gotten to work way before Jessica would even think about rising from bed, content to have the first few hours of complete silence in what I liked to call my second home.
I could peacefully drink my large cup of coffee from Cumberland Farms and go over everything that Jessica didn’t do the day before, correcting her mistakes or simply doing what she hadn’t bothered to.
If it had been at all possible, I would’ve fired her ages ago. But again, this was my only livelihood and I had no desire to lose it. Her father would make all of my fears real and I couldn’t afford to be unemployed.
I also couldn’t bear to think that she would be taking over the bookstore my family had put so much love and care in to. It made me feel a little sick, to be perfectly honest.
I thought about Edward all day. In fact, I unintentionally ignored most of the customers that walked up to me and asked me for help because I was too distracted by his smile, or the way his eyes lit up when he ate that first piece of pizza, or that stupid crooked grin that I could not get out of my head.
Even when Jessica did finally show up, the fact that she was three hours late and would still undoubtedly want to be paid for it didn’t piss me off the way it normally would’ve.
I could’ve cared less. This was getting pathetic and highly dangerous, but I really didn’t care.
I hadn’t felt like this since Jake and I first started dating. And even then, honestly, it hadn’t been anything compared to this feeling of lightheartedness and want I had now.
The day literally passed by in a bronze haired, green eyed, beautiful smiled blur and before I knew it, I was in my truck and headed back to my house to get ready for the night out I wasn’t really looking forward to.
I knew we did it every Friday. I knew all week that we were going to
But it was one less day that I’d have to spend with Edward. It was one day where I wouldn’t see him at all. It was one day closer to him leaving.
And I had no idea when he was coming back.
But I got dressed the way I knew Rosalie would want me to be, outright pouting as I did so. Trying to go out in my plain, boring, comfortable jeans and an equally boring and comfortable t-shirt would’ve only gotten me shoved back into the house so that she could pull out the clothes she’d want me to wear.
And she’d bitch the whole time, too. I’d be wasting her precious drinking, dancing and flirting time and she absolutely hated to miss the opportunity to drive some poor, unsuspecting, innocent – mostly – man to his knees.
She thrived on our Friday nights.
Poor Angela and I were just along for the ride.
I even went so far as to straighten my hair and add a little touch of eye make up, figuring the more effort I put into my appearance, the happier she’d be and the quicker this night would be over with.
Okay, that was a long shot. None of us got home until at least
I’d met Rosalie Hale at a college party. My roommate, Lauren Mallory, had dragged me to a sorority party when no one else would go with her.
Lauren and I never got along, but whenever she wanted something, I was her best damn friend.
I spent most of the night standing by the spiked punch bowl, hoping and praying that Lauren would be done drinking her weight in alcohol soon.
I had a class in the morning and two papers due all within twenty-four hours; I honestly didn’t have time to be pretending to socialize with perverted, drunken frat boys who thought they were the best damn things in the world.
I’d gotten hit on by more guys than I could count while standing there. I’d had beer spilled over the shoulder of my Van Halen t-shirt and was about two centimeters away from being puked on about an hour ago.
I was ready to go back to the quiet confines of our dorm room to spend the rest of the night putting the finishing touches on my papers.
I’d been cursing Lauren up one side and down the other when I lost sight of her and only looked up when I heard a low growl coming from the other side of me.
“You’d think that my roommates would have some consideration,” the tall, blonde bikini model stated as she grabbed a can of beer from the table next to me. “I have classes in six hours.”
“I can’t even find my roommate,” I mumbled, huffing as I crossed my arms over my chest and stood up on my toes.
There was a sea of people and none of them looked like my brunette roommate.
The model continued to eye me as she calmly sipped off her beer, seeming to be completely unaffected by the loud noise and drool appearing around her as all the guys that had previously tried picking me up stood at her feet, their tongues rolling out on the ground as they stared up at her.
“Do you have papers due, too?” she’d asked, raising a perfectly arched eyebrow in my direction.
“Two,” I sighed, trying once again to see if Lauren was anywhere near where I might’ve been standing.
Naturally, she wasn’t. That would’ve made my life entirely too easy and she really hated to do that.
“Do you live in the dorms?”
I nodded, sighing heavily as I stepped back onto the heels of my feet and looked over at her.
Why was she so concerned with school work, anyway? She didn’t strike me as the type of girl that came to college to actually learn something.
“Yes,” I sighed, getting slightly annoyed with the line of questions she was shooting at me. “Why?”
“Your roommate is Lauren Mallory, right?”
I nodded slowly, narrowing my eyes at her.
Why did she seem to know so much about me when I didn’t even know who she was?
“One of my roommates has been fucking her for the past three months. I’ll tell him to keep her here.”
I brightened, suddenly very thankful for the model standing next to me, one arm tucked under her breasts as she played with the silver and blue beer can in her other hand.
“On one condition,” she continued, pursing her lips at me.
Always a catch; always.
“What?” I mumbled, too concerned about not failing my courses to really argue with her about anything at that point.
“You let me tag along so that I can actually get some work done, too.”
“Deal!” I said quickly.
And we’d stuck together ever since. She could be a stuck up, pompous pain in the ass a lot of the time, but she was always there for me when I needed her. She was the most honest person that I knew and she never minced words; something that I usually needed whenever I talked to her about something important.
Figuring that my appearance would satisfy her tonight, I grabbed a dress jacket and walked downstairs, throwing it over one of the chairs in my dining room before walking into the kitchen.
I grabbed a piece of pizza from the box I’d taken home with me last night, heated it and stood in the middle of my dining room as I ate it.
And when I finished with that, I found myself staring off into space as my thoughts drifted to Edward.
I would see him tomorrow after I got out of work. I’d be spending most of the afternoon I had left with him.
Granted we were only going to be grocery shopping, but it was a little more time with him.
And I would happily take any time with him that he was willing to give to me.
I’d never had the opportunity to just hang out with him before. I’d always had Jake to keep me occupied and as much as I’d wanted to go over to see Edward, Jake always conveniently managed to find something for the two of us to do.
It made more sense now, of course, but before he’d brought it to my attention, I hadn’t put two and two together.
I was so wrapped up in putting clues together that explained Jake’s behavior that I’d completely missed hearing Angela’s car pull into the driveway until I heard Rosalie’s mouth shouting at me from outside.
Finally making it outside just as she began pounding on the door and passing her quick wardrobe inspection, it took her all of twenty seconds to start questioning me.
“Who is he?” she’d demanded, turning around in the front seat to face me once we’d all gotten back into the car.
“What?”
“Don’t play stupid, Swan,” she warned, her glass blue eyes narrowing at me as she pointed a perfectly French-tipped finger in my direction. “You’ve got that stupid, goofy big smile on your face. Who is he?”
“And what happened to Jake?” Angela piped up from the driver’s seat, looking at me in the rear view mirror. “You never did give me the whole story.”
Angela Webber was the nicest, sweetest girl that I’d ever met. How she’d gotten roped into being friends with Rosalie had completely baffled me. When I began hanging out with Rosalie more, Angela was always there with us, rolling her eyes at mostly everything that came out of Rose’s mouth.
She was the complete opposite of the blonde sitting in the front seat. Her brown hair was wavy and her black framed glasses were always sliding down her nose, causing her to push them up every few seconds.
Rose hated them with a passion. I thought they looked cute. Angela didn’t care either way.
She’d been dating the same boy – Ben Cheney – since high school and as far as I knew, their marriage really was like a fairytale come true.
I hadn’t enjoyed wearing the bright pink bridesmaid dress last September, but it was the least I could do for the girl that always turned the worst possible day into something positive.
So I took a deep breath and launched into the whole thing, not leaving any detail out as we made the forty minute trek to
By the time I was finished, Rosalie’s eyes were still trained on me and this time, they were barely little slits.
“You’re not upset about Jake,” she stated.
“A little bit.”
“But not enough to stop you from going after your hot neighbor.”
I grinned despite myself. She hadn’t said anything about his celebrity status. She didn’t seem to even care.
I wanted to kiss her.
“No,” I grinned.
“Then go for it!” she exclaimed, reaching over and smacking my arm.
Rather forcefully, might I add.
“Don’t abuse her, Rose!” Angela scolded, rolling her eyes as she pulled into the parking lot that accessed all of the clubs on
“Is he interested in you?”
“I don’t know.”
I saw her roll her eyes before she turned around and we all climbed out of the car, meeting at the back of it and linking arms as we always did while we walked toward The City Tavern – a four story night club that we frequented.
“He’d be stupid not to be,” Angela stated, smiling over at me. “You’re a great catch, Bella.”
“Thanks, Ang.”
“Yeah, yeah, enough of that. Just go for it!” Rosalie exclaimed, throwing her free arm in the air dramatically. “What have you got to lose?”
“A pretty good friend.”
“Friends are better lovers.”
If I hadn’t actually heard what she’d said, she would’ve sounded philosophical. If I’d had a few drinks in me at that point, I probably would’ve even agreed with her and thought nothing of it.
But I had heard her and I hadn’t had nearly enough to drink yet.
“Who said anything about lovers?”
“Bella!” she screeched, obviously exasperated as she dug her ID out of her jeans pocket before we approached the door to the bar. “That’s what you’re thinking and don’t you dare deny it.”
“I don’t even know if he’s interested in me!” I exclaimed, finding my own ID and handing it to the bouncer once we made it there.
“I’m interested,” he said, the overhead light glinting off the top of his bald head.
“Spoken for!” Rosalie chimed, dragging the both of us into the warm bar and immediately up the first flight of stairs. “Bella, you can make him interested in you.”
I rolled my eyes, sighing heavily as I braced my hands on Angela’s shoulders as we walked up the second flight of stairs, our heels loudly clacking against the concrete.
It was absolutely amazing how we managed to walk back down these damn things without killing ourselves after we’d finished drinking. Especially with the heels Rose always insisted that we wear each week.
“How?” I sighed heavily, the tell tale pounding of the music on the fourth floor starting to interrupt our conversation.
“You have your feminine charms,” she grinned as we walked up the third flight of stairs.
“Right,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
“I’m sure he’s interested,” Angela assured me, patting one of my hands that was still on her shoulders. “Maybe he’s just scared.”
“He deals with a hell of a lot more than his neighbor being interested in him,” I grumbled. “I’m sure he’s not scared.”
“He’s a stupid man!” Rosalie yelled as we finally reached the fourth floor landing and started towards the open doorway. “And they’re always scared.”
“But he’s always so… confident!” I yelled over the music as we walked up to the end of the crowded bar and waited for the bartender to make his way over to us.
“Make the first move! It sounds like you don’t have a choice!”
“I can’t do that!”
“Why not?” she demanded, her hands on her hips as she glared at me again.
“Bella,” Angela laughed, shaking her head at me. “These times, they are a’ changin’.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Make the first move.”
And if Angela was saying it, it was definitely something to take into consideration. She wasn’t a take charge type of person either and if she was telling me that I needed to make the first move, then it definitely meant something.
So we spent the rest of the night drinking, dancing, watching Rose get an unsuspecting man all riled up only to kick him when he was practically on his knees, and working out a game plan for me the rest of the night.
And when Rosalie and Angela backed out of my driveway when our night out was over, I stood where I had been, staring across the road at Edward’s house with my keys in my hand and my lips twisted to the side.
Rose was right. What did I have to lose? He lived in
Plus, I’d pinky promised Rose that I would go talk to him.
I’d seen the television’s blue-white light from the living room before we pulled in. That led me to believe that he was at least in there, which would make things ten times easier when I knocked on his door.
There were no longer any ifs in this equation anymore. I was feeling pretty damn good about things right at that moment and I didn’t want to waste the false sense of confidence I had surging through my veins.
The worst that could happen was that he would be sleeping and I’d quietly make my way back to my own house and collapse onto the air mattress to sleep off the buzz I had going on.
Squaring my shoulders, I’d walked across the street and nearly danced up the porch steps to his front door, knocking three times and waiting impatiently for him to answer the door.
He had to answer the door. Who left the television on if they weren’t in the same room?
Just as I was about to knock again, the door flung open and he stood in front of me, his hair in a million different directions – as usual – and a slightly crazed look in his eyes.
If it wasn’t for the beer I’d had swimming around in my system, I probably would’ve backed away slowly and apologized profusely.
Alas, that wasn’t the case.
As I washed the shampoo out of my hair, I could clearly remember everything that I’d said to him. I’d been spot on about that part, at the very least.
I remembered having to practically force him to kiss me back. I had quite literally thrown myself at him.
I groaned softly as I grabbed my body wash and poured it onto the loofah hanging off the shower caddy.
But the way his lips felt against mine when he finally did kiss me back was enough to make the torment I was putting myself through right now worth it.
Even if it never happened again and all he wanted to talk about was the restraining order he’d slap at me later on today, I’d forever be able to remember the way he tasted on my tongue.
And that glorious moan that had escaped his throat would forever be sounding throughout the inside of my head.
I did that. He moaned that way because of me.
Setting my loofah back onto its hook on the shower caddy, I rubbed my hands over my face and took a deep breath, reveling in the hot water that cascaded down my aching back and hips.
There was still a hell of a lot of time left between now and when I would see him after work. There were still a hell of a lot of scenarios that my mind would be able to come up with that all involved him telling me not to bother him anymore, too.
But that moan; that little, glorious moan would be the background music to it all.
And really, how much could I complain about that?
~*~
I spent the rest of the day holed up in between bookshelves, nervously righting tipped over books and ignoring the obviously curious glances Jessica kept shooting over at me when I surfaced.
I was ignoring her in general, too, which was probably half the reason for her looks. I never outright ignored her. I couldn’t. I was her boss; it was unprofessional and useless. I’d never done it before, no matter how pissed off I’d been at her.
But I was afraid that the minute she said something about her upcoming vacation and began acting pretentious, I’d blurt out that I’d kissed the neighbor I’d made her stay away from for all this time. And no one really needed to know about that except for Edward and me.
That moan was imbedded into the surfaces of my head and whenever a customer stumbled over to me, asking for help, it was all that I could do to block it out.
It was making it very hard to concentrate on anything else.
Around
I’d given Jessica a half-assed excuse about some paperwork that hadn’t been done – and it truthfully hadn’t – and escaped before she could even nod her head.
I sat in the beat up chair at my desk, nervously chewing on my fingernails and intently watching the clock as it ticked even closer to
But I didn’t want it to go away. I never wanted to forget it. If it was the only thing I’d ever get from him after tonight, I wanted to record it and play it over and over again for the rest of my life.
One single sound had never held so much importance to me before.
It was equal parts terrifying and extremely satisfying.
So when the clock finally told me it was
I’d bring them home with me just in case Edward told me to leave him alone. This way, I’d have something to stare at for a few more hours when I was alone and thinking about everything I should’ve done differently.
Grabbing my purse and keys from the other end of the desk, I walked out of the office and down the stairs on shaky legs, for once very thankful that Jessica had actually taken off at four on the dot like she always did on Saturdays.
She had a social life to get to, she’d once told me, and she didn’t want to spend one more minute here than she had to when there was a much more interesting world waiting for her.
Glancing over the counter of the front desk quickly, I bit my bottom lip when I saw the mess there.
She hadn’t done anything. Usually, she at least had one thing done. The smallest, most insignificant thing that I never wanted done until it was necessary was always the thing she did first, but today there was nothing. Everything was exactly how I’d left it last night before I’d left.
I was honestly beginning to wonder exactly what she typed up when I heard her fake nails clacking obnoxiously on the keyboard throughout the day.
Sighing heavily, I ran a hand through my hair, shaking my head before walking out the door and locking up.
I pulled into my driveway five and a half minutes later, my eyes flicking to his house in my rear view mirror before I got out of the truck and ran into the house.
There was less of a risk of having him coming over here to yell at me in the open if I didn’t linger in the driveway.
I dropped my things in the doorway, slamming the front door shut only to open the closet door behind it and grab the cowboy hat sitting on the top shelf.
My mother and Phil had been invited to a Halloween party a few years ago and had dressed up as a cowgirl and a cowboy. I don’t quite know how I ended up with them in my closet, but right at the moment, I wasn’t too concerned with the how’s. I had what I needed and I wasn’t going to question what was finally working out right.
I still had hope that things would be okay. That when he said he didn’t hate me last night, he meant it. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to handle this rejection otherwise.
And I wasn’t sure why he already seemed to mean more to me than Jake ever had.
Throwing the cowboy hat on top of my purse, I dashed up the stairs and into my bedroom, ripping open the top drawer of my dresser and grabbing the plain black bandana I used to tie my hair back with during the hot summer days.
It was much easier than using one of those stupid rubber bands that tore my hair out of my head.
Walking back down the stairs, I stood in the doorway leading to the living room, running the bandana through my fingers as I stared at the cowboy hat.
It could work out all right. He could merely tell me that he didn’t want to be with me in that way, but we could still be friends.
I could still be friends with him. I didn’t need to be more than that if he didn’t want me to be. If he didn’t feel anything the way that I did when I kissed him, then we could just continue being friends.
I took a deep breath and walked towards the hat, my bottom lip in between my teeth as I reached it.
I could do this. I could act as though nothing happened if that’s what I had to do. I could be just his friend.
Snatching the hat, my purse and keys off the floor, I took one more deep breath before locking and slamming the door behind me.
I kept my eyes trained on his house as I walked across the road, my heart in my throat and my palms slick as I gripped tightly onto the brim of the hat.
How was I going to deal with the months in between visits if I’d ruined everything with one kiss? I spent the time when he wasn’t here thinking about him, even if it hadn’t been as intense as it had been in the past few days.
Even if I hadn’t noticed it until Jake had pointed it out to me, it was exactly what I’d been doing since the first time he left.
How was I going to survive the time without him if we couldn’t make something work out between us?
“Shut up, Bella,” I whispered to myself as my left foot stepped onto his driveway.
I took another deep breath as I reached his porch stairs, swallowing hard as I walked up and stood in front of his door.
Well, here goes nothing.
Reaching up with my free hand, I knocked on the door and closed my eyes tightly, immediately hearing his footsteps behind the closed door.
I can do this. I can do this and I will live through this. This will not be the end of my world.
I heard the door open and opened one eye, looking up to see Edward standing in front of me, a crooked smile on his face.
I wasn’t sure what to think of that. It could’ve meant anything, really. It didn’t necessarily mean something good, either.
“Hi,” I said meekly, opening my other eye and waving with my free hand.
“Come in!” he exclaimed brightly, still smiling and moving out of the way. “We have so much to…” He stopped, tilting his head to the side as he spotted the cowboy hat and bandana in my hands. “What is that?”
I stepped over the threshold, swallowing hard and smiling nervously.
“It’s your disguise,” I said quietly. “You’ll blend right in with the rest of this place. I promise.”
“A cowboy hat?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me as he closed the door behind me.
And with that simple movement, he put himself impossibly closer to me and rendered me completely speechless for a minute. Even when the door was closed, he didn’t take a step back, making it almost impossible to form any of the words that needed to be said.
“Yes,” I choked, nodding and running the brim of the hat through my fingers. “You haven’t noticed how almost every guy around here wears one?”
He shook his head, pursing his lips, his eyes still trained on it.
“I barely leave the house, Bella.” He looked up at me again, smirking. “How would I notice?”
My cheeks burned and I bit my bottom lip again, awkwardly shrugging one shoulder as I shifted the weight on my feet.
“I don’t know.”
“I never thought about that, though. I was thinking maybe a baseball cap or something…”
“If you don’t want to wear it, you don’t have to,” I sighed heavily, crossing my arms over my chest and blinking rapidly to get rid of the tears that were suddenly threatening my eyes.
Oh, my God I was such an emotional girl sometimes. This is pathetic. He didn’t want to wear the hat and it was no big deal. We’d find him another one.
“No!” he exclaimed, reaching forward to gently grab my wrist. “It’s brilliant. Really.”
I nodded, setting the hat and bandana on the table next to me before looking down at my feet and biting my bottom lip again.
He still had my wrist grasped in his hand and when I looked up at him, he was staring at my shoes with his free hand already buried in his messy hair.
“Can I ask you a couple things?” he asked, quickly looking up at me.
The smirk he’d had on his face had long since disappeared and even though I’d already been nervous before I made it inside, this made it even worse.
I nodded mutely, not trusting my voice enough to actually form any words for him.
This was it; he was going to ask me to leave and I could practically hear those words in his beautiful voice. Hell, I could almost feel fractions of my traitor heart starting to break off into small, miniscule pieces.
This wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wasn’t supposed to be so invested in something that would never happen between us. I wasn’t supposed to be feeling this way for someone that obviously never wanted me that way.
I looked away from him, once again having to blink rapidly when those stupid tears started to fill my eyes again.
“Are you completely over Jacob?”
I scrunched my eyebrows together as I stared at the dark red carpet in his living room before looking up at him again.
“What?”
He was blurry and I had to look away from him yet again when I felt the tears that I hadn’t gotten rid of start threatening to fall over my cheeks.
I wouldn’t let him see me cry again. Not over this, not when he’d seemed so chipper when he answered the door. I wouldn’t ruin his good mood with my own stupid thoughts and ideas.
“If he showed up in a week and said that he’d made a mistake,” he started, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him, “would you take him back?”
Great. I’m sure he could see that I was on the verge of crying now. So I huffed and pulled my wrist out of his grasp to wrap my arms around my waist.
“No. Edward, what does that have to do with anything?”
“It has a lot to do with everything.” I watched his lips twitch before he frowned down at me. “Your relationship with him is completely over, right? There’s no chance that you’d even want him back?”
“No. It’s over. Even if he gave me a million dollars, I’d never take him back. Edward…”
“I have one more question,” he interrupted softly.
I took a deep breath and nodded.
I was confused. I wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything or why it even mattered at this point.
“What…?” He stopped, shifting his weight on his feet and dropping his arms to his sides, his shoulders hunching forward as he let go of my chin. “What do you want from me?”
Ah, yep, there it was. What I’d been expecting this whole time. The sting leading me into nothing but a spiral of regret and guilt caused by one too many Espresso Martini’s.
“What?” I choked, swallowing hard and looking down at my feet again.
God damn tears… why couldn’t they just go away and leave me alone? Or at least wait until I was alone?
“What do you want from me?” he repeated, his voice low and a hell of a lot closer than he’d been just a second ago.
This, naturally, sent my heart into overdrive despite the way I wanted to run back to my house and hide there until I was too damn old to remember what I’d done wrong in the first place.
“Nothing!” I exclaimed, backing up and only succeeding in slamming my back against the front door. “I just… I didn’t… if I’d known that kissing you would make you think that I wanted something from you, I never…”
“Oh! No, Bella. Okay.” I heard him take a deep breath and jumped when he put his hands on my shoulders, still staring down at my feet and ultimately, his since he’d gotten closer. “Last night, you said that you wanted this. What does this entail, exactly?”
I snapped my head up to look at him, my watery eyes wide. His eyes were trained on me and his breathing was quick and shallow as he gently gripped my shoulders and seemed to wait for me to say something.
He looked almost… nervous.
“Uhm… it entails…” I trailed off; trying to think of the right words to say that wouldn’t either scare him away or insult him in some way. “You.”
I am a dumbass. That really narrowed things down for the both of us, didn’t it?
He licked his lips and nodded, spreading his legs out a little wider in what I assumed was a more comfortable position to stare down at me.
Or to let me down gently. I wasn’t really sure where this whole line of questioning was going.
“What part of me, Bella?” he whispered.
“What kind of a…?”
“Answer me,” he pleaded, his eyes boring into mine with something like sadness etched into them. “Please.”
“I want all of you,” I breathed, shaking my head at him as I swallowed hard.
There was no turning back at this point. The least I could do was to be truthful with him.
“Can you handle that I’m an actor? Can you handle the fact that every tabloid in the country is going to make a big damn deal out of one stupid dinner with a friend?”
“I trust you,” I whispered, my hands shaking as I reached up to place them on his arms. “And I know you enough to know that you wouldn’t do that to anyone.”
“I wouldn’t do that to you,” he corrected softly, standing up straight and taking one step towards me, effectively closing the gap between us. “But I need to know, Bella. Can you deal with all of the shit that comes with dating me?”
“You want to date me?” I squeaked, digging my fingertips into his arms.
“Yeah,” he smiled, leaning down to rest his forehead against mine. “I guess I do.”
“You guess?”
“I need to know, Bella.” The smile was gone and he was back to being completely serious. “Do you think you could handle everything that comes with being with me?”
I took a deep breath through my nose and pressed my lips together.
This was it. This was my chance. This was what I’d been waiting for since he came back into town.
“If it means being with you and knowing that you were really with me,” I started softly, swallowing hard, “then yes, Edward. I can.”
I expected a smile or for him to grab me in his arms and hug me until I couldn’t breathe. Something along those lines; something to let me know that this was what he really wanted.
Instead, he merely licked his lips and took a deep breath.
Oh, God, what if he was just joking? What if he just wanted to see what it would take to make me crumble in front of his eyes?
Well, it wouldn’t take long for him to witness it if that was what he truly wanted.
“People are going to be taking your picture,” he said softly, sounding as though he was almost in pain. “You’ll never have a quiet, simple life again.”
“You’ll be there with me?” I asked, my voice a few octaves higher than normal.
That’s what usually happened to me when I got nervous and had to speak at the same time. It wasn’t actually a squeak, but it sounded nothing like my normal voice at all.
It was embarrassing and only made me even more nervous somehow.
“When I can be, yes, of course. I’m never leaving you alone intentionally again.”
With those words, it felt like I was flying. Like a giant weight had been lifted off of my chest and as I watched the slow smile form on his lips, I let out a strangled laugh.
“Then I don’t care,” I laughed, shaking my head. “I really don’t care.”
And then that grin was there and his arms finally moved from my shoulders to do as I wished; he wrapped them tightly around my waist and pulled me against him, burying his nose in my shoulder as I flung my arms around his neck and held on just as tightly as he was.
“Music to my ears,” he mumbled, squeezing me once before standing up straight and placing his hands on my waist.
I just grinned up at him, entirely too excited about the whole idea of Edward Cullen and I together. Together. Dating. Kissing.
Oh, Lord, kissing.
“So tell me what’s going on with the bandana you’ve got going on there.” He pointed with his chin, not moving from me. “What’s that for?”
I reached up and ran my hands through his hair, giddy at the fact that I could do it freely and without getting the strange looks I’d imagined getting from him before.
“Your hair is entirely too noticeable. Even under a hat, people would pick it out in an instant. So we’ll cover it.”
He smiled down at me, leaning down and gently touching his lips to mine.
He didn’t hesitate this time, his lips meeting mine just as eagerly and his arms once again winding around my waist to hold me against him.
“You’re brilliant, you know?” he asked as he backed away from me.
I wanted to pout at the fact that he’d pulled away, but couldn’t even find it in me. I was way too damn happy about the fact that this man; this glorious, wonderful man standing in my arms was now dating me. He was my boyfriend and even though it didn’t really balance out in my head quite yet, it didn’t matter that much to me right now.
I was soaring, walking on air and every other cliché that anyone had ever come up with to describe how amazing someone else had made them feel, and I didn’t want to over think anything and everything.
I was happy. Happier than I’d ever been in a long time and I wasn’t going to question it.
I was going to live in the moment, revel in it, and absolutely smother myself with how it felt because I’d never had this feeling before.
And as I sat him down at his dining room table with the black bandana draped over his shoulder and my hands in his hair, I couldn’t stop the goofy grin Rose had been teasing me about last night.
2 comments:
Aw! That is a really cute chapter! Can't wait until Bella can fire Jessica
Love love love it! Finally together!
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