*Bella*
I walked into his house twenty minutes later with two hot chocolate packets in my coat pocket and a mesh bag of massage oils that Rosalie had gotten for me as a gag gift a few years ago.
Something about spicing up my apparently bland sex life.
Needless to say, I'd never used them – entirely too embarrassed to even attempt explaining to Jake how that had even come up in conversation – and kept them stuffed in the very back of my bedside table drawer that he never dared to open.
Too many drinks and a nosy best friend did not mix well together at all.
I'd changed into a dry pair of jeans that hadn't been caked in snow for the duration of the morning and my worn-in sneakers. Something told me that he wouldn't appreciate me getting snow all over his carpet when I walked in.
I found Edward sitting on the couch in nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants, his eyes closed and his arm stretched across his chest as he held what I could only assume was an ice pack on his shoulder. I tilted my head sympathetically at him as I put the bag on the small table by the door and took off my coat.
He really hadn't had a very good day and while I did find a lot of it amusing, it didn't stop me from feeling really bad about all of it at the same time. Especially about the whole blowing snow into his face thing that I'd managed to do without realizing it.
I grabbed the bag again, toeing off my shoes and walking over to him to slowly put it down on the coffee table as I walked around it to stand in front of him.
"Falling asleep on me again, are you?" I asked softly, reaching out to run my fingers through his still wet hair.
He jumped a little, his eyes slowly opening as he tilted his head up to look at me.
"No," he yawned, shaking his head. "Just resting my eyes."
"Uh-huh," I smiled, "sure you were."
He smiled sleepily at me, reaching up and placing a hand on my hip.
"Get everything done?"
"Mostly. If you want to leave tomorrow, though, you'll have to shovel your car out on your own."
He shrugged his good shoulder, yawning again as he brushed his thumb against my stomach.
"That's fine. Thank you for doing all of that."
"You're welcome. Now, why don't you lie on your stomach so that I can give you that massage?"
"You don't have to…"
"No, I don't," I said easily, interrupting him as I gently ran my fingertips over the back of his head.
Oh good Christ, there was a bump the size of a baseball back there.
"But I want to."
He stared up at me before taking the ice pack from his shoulder and slowly moving around me to throw it on the coffee table. He froze, seeing the oils behind me before merely lifting his eyes back to mine.
"What's that?" he asked slowly.
I shrugged my shoulders, biting my lip nervously.
"Just something to help you relax. Don't worry about it."
"Uh…"
"Edward," I said sternly, sucking in a deep breath and gently grabbing his face in my hands. "Will you stop thinking so much and let me pamper you?"
If he stopped thinking about, I'd be able to stop thinking about it and I'd be able to actually go through with this whole damn thing with a face that wasn't flaming red at every possible thought running through my head.
I didn't have any intention on trying to seduce him, no. But if that just so happened to be the outcome, well, I wasn't going to complain one damn bit about it.
"Pamper me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
I rolled my eyes, sighing dramatically and running my thumbs over his temples.
"You're an actor; don't tell me that you've never been pampered, Edward."
He smirked lazily at me.
"I've never been pampered by you."
I smiled, leaning down to gently press my lips to his. Threading my fingers through his hair, I took a step forward as he wrapped his hands around my thighs, pulling me closer to him.
"So let me get to it," I whispered, backing away from him. "You deserve it."
"Are you sure?"
"If you don't want me to, tell me. I'll just go make us some hot chocolate and that'll be it." I did my best to keep the smile off my face when his eyes widened. "I'll keep my hands to myself. Wouldn't want to hurt your shoulder anymore or anything like that."
He quickly shook his head, his eyes returning to their normal size before he smiled lazily at me.
"Well, when you put it that way…"
I stepped back and he slid down the couch, hissing through his teeth as he slowly turned on his stomach.
"You okay?" I asked softly, lightly trailing my fingertips down his spine.
He sighed, nodding as he wrapped his arms carefully and slowly around the decorative pillow I hadn't paid attention to before.
It was amazing how many little details of his home that I hadn't even really bothered to look at. Family photos framed on the walls went completely unnoticed and throw pillows that I could've sworn I'd never seen before suddenly became very interesting to me when his arms were wrapped around them.
Shaking my head, I turned and opened the mesh bag, grabbing the first glass bottle I laid my hands on. I twisted the top off of it and set it on the table before climbing carefully onto his legs and straddling him.
"Tell me if you start losing feeling in your legs, okay?"
He snorted but mumbled some sort of acknowledgment, one of his hands appearing over the top of his head and waving at me before disappearing back underneath the pillow.
I shook my head and smiled, holding one hand out and tipping the bottle over slightly, watching as the liquid poured out into my palm. Figuring that I had enough, I set it back on the coffee table before holding my hands together in a sad attempt to warm it up.
"This will probably be cold," I said quietly, biting my bottom lip as I let my eyes wander freely over his bare back.
Perfect planes, glorious dips and pointed, defined shoulder blades greeted me and I sucked in a deep breath to steady myself.
It didn't matter how many times I'd seen him shirtless or felt him underneath my hands, it had the same damn effect on me each time.
Shaking my head in an attempt to clear it, I brought my hands to his back and slowly started to move them up and down. He moaned quietly and I bit down hard on my bottom lip as I continued to rub his back.
That was not helping the situation I'd managed to find myself trapped in right at the moment.
I slowly moved up to his shoulders, carefully rubbing the one he'd fallen on with both of my hands and using my thumbs to make small circles there.
"Oh, God," he moaned and I bit down even harder on my lip. "That feels so good, Bella."
"That was the idea," I managed, swallowing hard as I kept one hand on that shoulder and moved the other hand to his other shoulder. "Does it hurt?"
"No," he moaned, shaking his head.
That wasn't helping, either. How many times had I dreamed of those sounds coming from him in response to something I did? How many times had I been forced to take an incredibly cold shower in the morning after waking up from one of those dreams?
And now they were very much real, making it very hard to concentrate on damn near anything that I was trying to do.
I moved my hands down again, making small circles with my thumbs as I did so and stopped at the small of his back. I turned my hands out, my fingers now on his sides while my thumbs were still making slow circles on his back.
I made my way back up, my eyes closed tightly and my bottom lip back in my mouth as he moaned again and shifted slightly underneath me.
I couldn't look at the way his back shined from the dismal amount of light coming in through the window anymore. I couldn't watch him bury his head into the pillow anymore. I couldn't watch the way his muscles tensed and relaxed underneath my touch anymore.
Feeling most of that was bad enough; seeing it was only making what I now considered one of the worst decisions I'd ever made even worse.
Not that I didn't enjoy having my hands on him for any possible reason, but having my hands on him for what was supposed to be a purely selfless act and reacting the way that I currently was just wasn't balancing out the way I'd originally thought it would.
I opened one eye long enough to make sure that I was on his injured shoulder before snapping it shut again, lightening my touch and gently rubbing my palm over the spot that hurt him most.
He moaned again and I pressed my lips together as I started to rub the back of his neck. I felt a shiver run through his body and had to bite back a moan of my own as I ran my hands down his back again, gently kneading my fingers into his skin.
He was enjoying this. He liked this. He needed this. If I kept telling myself that, maybe I'd be able to get through this with a little of my sanity intact at the very least. I was doing this for him because he'd had a really crappy start to his day and needed to relax.
None of this was supposed to be about me.
He moaned when I leaned down a little harder on my hands, pushing up and I nearly whimpered, fighting the urge to lean down and press my lips against his spine.
Or his shoulders. Or the small of his back. Hell, on every damn inch of him at this point.
"Bella," he moaned and I felt his hips thrust down into the couch cushions.
My eyebrows shot up and my eyes snapped open, my hands still working up and down his back as I stared at the back of his head.
Okay, so maybe I wasn't the only one that was getting extremely turned on by this whole thing.
I sat up a little straighter and smiled brightly, proud of myself as I slowly moved my hands to the center of his back, leaning down to softly kiss his spine. I continued to move my hands up as I kissed my way up, gently grabbing his shoulders as I made it to his neck.
His breathing was choppy and short and I saw that his fingertips were digging into the edge of the pillow out of the corner of my eye. I smiled again, my hands still at his shoulders as I moved my lips back down and across, making my way to the bottom of his right shoulder blade.
"How's your shoulder feeling?" I asked softly, moving up to kiss the back of his neck again.
"You have no idea," he breathed out, turning his head to the side.
I moved my hands up, rubbing the backs of his tensed forearms and heard him moan again. I kissed my way across his shoulder and down his left side, letting my hands trail down his sides again.
I reached around him slightly, my fingers barely grazing his chest as I rubbed my thumbs over his back. I listened as his breath hitched and smiled triumphantly to myself as I kissed the small of his back.
"Get up," he rasped out, causing me to completely freeze.
Blinking, I leaned up and slowly climbed off of him, pretty damn hurt. I turned my back on him, leaning down to grab the bottle of oil and its top, concentrating very hard on screwing it back on.
I guess the triumphant smile was a little too premature. I thought he was enjoying it, that maybe…
I snapped my eyes shut, shaking my head sharply once as I fought with the top a little more.
I couldn't even work a simple bottle top; what in hell made me think that I could successfully seduce my own boyfriend?
"Bella…"
I froze again when I felt his hand on my back, the top of the bottle only half screwed on and my fingers tightly squeezing it.
I didn't want to turn around and listen to him tell me that he didn't want me that way. There was a lot that I could listen to him say with absolute contentment, but this was the absolute one thing that I wouldn't be able to hear from him.
"Bella, come back to me," he whispered, his fingers curling into the back of my shirt.
My heart skipped a few beats and I spun around to find that he'd turned over onto his back and was looking up at me, confused.
"What did you… you don't think that I want you to leave, do you?"
I uncomfortably shrugged one shoulder, fidgeting with the bottle in my hand as I bit my very sore bottom lip and looked down at my feet.
"Bella, no," he said softly, swinging his legs over the edge of the couch and standing up to cup my face in his hands. "God no."
"I just thought that…" My face fell and I sighed heavily. "I don't know what I thought."
There was no way in hell I was going to tell him what I'd really been thinking. I was currently dwelling on the fact that he didn't want me to leave; I wasn't going to ruin this moment anymore than I almost had.
"Well, stop thinking it." He leaned down to rest his forehead against mine. "And please, if you love me at all," he chuckled softly, "you will continue."
My eyes met his and he smirked, his thumbs running underneath my eyes gently and I slowly nodded.
"You need to lie back down," I said, my voice shaking a little as I swallowed hard.
He kissed me quickly, his lips hard against mine before he easily sat back down on the couch and leaned back, getting comfortable and resting his arms at his sides.
I took another deep breath in a sad attempt to steady myself and slowly climbed back on top of him, sitting directly on his hips. My eyes snapped to his and he smiled sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders.
"I can't help…"
"Don't," I said quickly, shaking my head. "It's… nice to know that I have this effect on you."
I shrugged one shoulder again, embarrassed, and I felt my cheeks heat up as I quickly flicked the top off the bottle and threw it in the direction of the coffee table.
It was a hell of a lot different when he was watching me. I could be bold and someone who wasn't scared of doing something wrong when he wasn't watching my every move.
He didn't say anything and merely lifted his hands, resting them on my knees as I poured the oil into the palm of my hand again.
"Your shoulder hurt anymore?" I asked quietly, leaning over to set the oil back on the coffee table.
He moaned softly, his hips shifting against mine once as his fingertips dug into my knees when I sat back.
I swallowed hard and sucked in a deep breath. Oh, this was not going to be easy.
"Not as much," he breathed, offering me a small smile as his hands relaxed.
"Good." I cupped my hands together, once again trying in vain to warm the oil. "Gonna be cold again."
He nodded and I nervously licked my lips, looking down at his abs before placing my hands there. He jumped a little before relaxing back into the couch and as I moved my hands up his chest, he moved his up my thighs.
I raised an eyebrow and looked up at him again, my hands still moving up his stomach slowly.
"What?" he asked innocently, smirking at me.
"This is about you," I said softly, kneading my fingers into his shoulders as I reached them.
"And do you think I wouldn't want to touch you at all?"
"That is not the point."
His hands stopped at the juncture of my thighs and I sucked in a deep breath as his thumb gently brushed down the seam of my jeans directly over my center.
"What is then?"
I held his gaze as I moved my hands back down his chest, not stopping as I slid down a little to sit on his thighs – his hands slid down to the middle of my thighs as I did so – and I slowly dragged my hands over the bulge I'd originally been sitting on.
His eyes snapped shut, his mouth fell open and a low moan sounded out of his throat.
"This is about you," I repeated, moving my hands back up and slowly running them over his abs.
I could watch him like this all day. I'd never actually seen someone respond this way to me; I'd never had the chance to even try something like this.
And with Edward, it was all so much… more. It was real, he wasn't holding back – much – and it was because of me.
I'd never had this kind of a high before. It was like this was the first time I was actually experiencing anything with anyone and all the emotions surging through me only managed to bring back that small surge of triumph and confidence I'd had before he'd turned over.
I wanted to please him. I wanted to bring him past the point of no return; to see his eyes clenched together tightly and listen to his ragged breathing and throaty moans as I pushed him over the edge.
I wanted that for the both of us.
"I don't… Bella, it's not…" he breathed, his chest rising and falling unsteadily underneath my hands with each breath he took.
"Could you just shut up and enjoy this for me?" I whispered, sitting up on my knees and leaning over him.
"Oh, I am. But, Bella…"
"Shut up," I whispered again, forcefully pressing my lips against his as I rubbed my hands over his chest.
His hands immediately reached up to tangle in my hair as I opened my mouth over his, hungrily plunging my tongue inside when his lips parted as my hands made it down to the waistband of his sweatpants.
I rubbed my thumbs in circles underneath his belly button, my fingers slowly curling around the waistband as he moaned again.
His lips eagerly dragged over mine, his hands fisting in my hair as I moved my hands inside his pants and shifted enough to gently drag my fingernails over his upper thighs.
He broke away from me, throwing his head back into the pillow, gasping for air and I was quick to plant my lips on his neck, trailing open mouthed kisses up to his ear.
"Is this okay?" I whispered, echoing the words he'd used yesterday in my kitchen.
"Do you really need me to answer that?" he managed, shifting his hips into my hands.
"Just wanna make sure."
"'S perfectly okay."
I smiled, once again attaching my mouth to his neck as I moved my hands back up and grabbed onto the waistband of his boxers. I heard his sharp intake of breath and if possible, smiled even wider as I slid my hands underneath the waistband and completely into his boxers.
My heart was hammering against my ribs, on its way into my throat as I lightly rested my hands on the sides of his hips and gently massaged there as well.
I'd done this before; I knew how to do this. There was nothing wrong with anything that I'd ever done in the past and there would be nothing wrong with what I did now.
It was just the fact that it was Edward that was gasping and panting underneath me that made all the difference. He was on a completely different level to me than Jake could've ever even hoped to be and while that was a feeling that I'd never replace for anything, it was also something that scared the shit out of me.
"Bella, if you…" he started.
I squeezed my eyes tightly, gently nipping at his neck as I moved one of my hands and wrapped it around the base of him, the other still kneading his hip.
And the loud moan that I got in response to that was enough to send all of the fears I'd managed to create directly out of my head.
"Oh, God," he moaned, digging his head back into the pillow and dropping his hands from my hair.
I slowly moved my hand up the length of him, my thumb circling his tip before I dragged it back down. I pressed my lips to his throat as he moaned, kissing up to his chin as I moved my hand up again, slowly dragging it down and reveling in the way his breath was hissing out through his teeth.
I moved my other hand from his hip, moving it out of his pants and slowly tracing over his abs again as I started to stroke him a little faster. His hips started to move with me and I let out a small moan of my own.
He may be the one reaping all of the benefits at the moment, but knowing that I was doing this, that I was the one causing the sounds he was making was more than enough to spur me on.
"Bella," he panted, his hands reaching behind his head to dig into the pillow.
I kissed back down his throat, my free hand still dancing lightly over his abs. I kissed down to the dip in between his collarbones and swiped my tongue over it, reaching up to run my hand over his chest.
"Feeling okay?" I smiled, adding a little more pressure as I stroked my way back up.
He ground something out that I didn’t understand and I grinned, leaning up and placing a quick, light kiss to his lips.
That apparently wasn’t enough for him and he was quick to grab each side of my head in his hands, fusing his mouth to mine before I moved too far from him. He threaded his fingers through my hair, keeping my head in one place as his tongue quickly slid through my lips and dominated mine.
His hips continued to move with my hand, quickening his thrusts when I quickened my strokes.
He tore his lips from mine to throw his head back into the pillow again and the moan that ripped out of him had my stomach tangling into knots as I felt wetness pool in between my thighs.
I rested my forehead on his shoulder, catching my breath and letting out another small moan when I felt him twitching a little in my hand. His hips started moving faster and his hands reached up to rest on my shoulders, running down each arm until he reached my wrist of one hand and my forearm of the one that disappeared into his pants before he ran them back up again.
I moved my free hand over his chest, gently scraping my fingernails over his nipples before rubbing my palm over his abs again.
I loved his abs. There was no denying it and when I had him underneath me like this, it was almost fucking impossible not to admire them just a little more than I normally would.
I turned my head, matching the almost frantic pace his hips set with my hand, and shifted enough so that my mouth was right next to his ear.
"I love you," I whispered, gently kissing the space beneath his ear.
He moaned again, his hands tightening slightly on my shoulders as he turned his head toward me, his breath fanning out over my neck.
"I…" He paused and I heard him swallow. "I love you too."
I leaned up, easily capturing his lips with mine again and smiling as his mouth opened underneath mine to moan loudly.
It was something close to music to my ears.
"Bella, I’m… I’m…"
I tightened my hold around him again, grabbing onto his waist with my other hand and completely abandoning the pretense of the massage altogether.
It had flown out the window the minute I'd wrapped my hand around him. The only thing that even remotely resembled the massage we'd long since passed was the oil still lingering on my hands, currently aiding in every little moan, whimper and grunt that sounded between the two of us.
"Let go," I whispered into his ear before biting down on the bottom of it.
He groaned, his hips jerking a little higher into my hand than they had been as he stiffly shook his head once.
"Your… hand…"
If he thought that I was going to stop now for whatever reason his mind had currently somehow made up, he was sorely mistaken. I wanted this almost as much as he did and there was absolutely no way that I was going to leave him partially unsatisfied.
"Will not mind," I finished for him, nipping my way down to his shoulder and looking up at him. "Let go, Edward."
With two more hard strokes and a lot more moaning from him, I felt every inch of him tense, watched as his mouth fell open and kept up my pace when his hips rose completely off of the couch. The long guttural moan that sounded out of his mouth as his fingertips dug into my shoulders had my eyes rolling back in my head and my bottom lip caught in between my teeth once again.
I felt the product of this abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous display I'd just witnessed slowly beginning to run down the backs of my fingers as I slowed the motions of my hand. A few seconds later, he fell back into the couch with one last moan and let up on the grip he had on my shoulders to reach up and fold his arms over the majority of his face.
I'd worry about that when he started breathing normally and I could actually concentrate on something other than the way he'd moaned my name and completely surrendered to me.
I anchored my free hand next to his chest, unwrapping my hand from him and pulling it out of his pants. Leaning up, I gently kissed his chin a few times.
"I'll be back," I whispered, kissing what was visible of his bottom lip before climbing off of him and walking up the stairs to the bathroom.
I washed my hands before splashing cold water on my face and leaned over the sink to take a few deep breaths and calm my racing heart. And when I finally looked up, I smiled brightly at my reflection in the mirror as I dried my hands on the towel hanging on the side bar next to me, tilting my head to the side and brushing my hair back behind my shoulders.
Yeah, I was pretty damn proud of myself. I had every reason to be really fucking proud of myself. And I was still riding on the high that I'd gotten upon seeing him completely open and vulnerable to me; it was a hell of a lot better than anything I'd ever dreamed of.
And while I could use a release as badly as he'd needed one, I just kept reminding myself that I was making the rest of this day all about him. He'd been the one to fall and run into things today; he'd helped me out numerous times when I'd done the same, so it was only right that I return the favor.
My own hormones would just have to wait.
I heard his footsteps on the stairs and glanced one more time at my reflection, dropping the towel and nearly jumping five feet in the air when I heard him pounding on the bathroom door.
"Bella? Bella, open the door," he demanded, his voice raised and gravelly.
My face fell, the high I'd had just a second ago immediately wearing off as I sucked my bottom lip back into my mouth.
Fearing that something had somehow managed to go horribly wrong in the ten seconds I was in the bathroom, I lunged for the doorknob and yanked the door open. He had one arm leaning against the doorjamb and his wide eyes immediately snapped to mine when I stepped into his line of sight.
"What? What's…?"
He pushed his way through the door, his hands cupping the back of my head as his mouth landed roughly on mine, completely cutting off anything I might've been trying to say. He pushed me up against the sink and I stood on my toes, my hands wrapping around his neck as his tongue demanded entrance into my mouth.
I met his tongue with mine, both eager and wrapping around each other as his hands trailed from my head and he leaned down without breaking the kiss to grab the backs of my thighs and lift me up. I quickly wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, pressing myself completely against him as his arms wound tightly around me. His hands splayed out on my back as he sidestepped and carefully pressed me against the wall next to the sink.
We stayed that way for a while, using the wall as a support while our mouths and tongues fused and tangled together, his hands eventually making their way up my shirt and roaming freely on my stomach.
"I love you," he finally breathed, pulling back from me to place small, light kisses against my lips, his chest heaving against mine. "I love you so damn much."
I grinned, kissing him again and unwrapping my arms from his neck to run them down his chest and rest my fingertips on his abs.
"I love you too." I reached up and brushed a piece of his completely unruly hair out of his face. "How do you feel?"
He grinned broadly, running his hands from my stomach, down my sides and across my hips before holding onto the backs of my thighs.
"I feel pretty damn good, actually."
I rolled my eyes and laughed, leaning forward and wrapping my arms tightly around his neck again, burying my face in his chest.
"I meant your shoulder and your head, but it's good to know that too."
He laughed and buried his chin in the crook of my neck, turning his head to gently kiss my temple.
"They're pretty damn good, too."
I smiled stupidly, laughing and leaned up to gently kiss him again.
"You hungry?" I asked softly, playing with the ends of his hair.
"Like you wouldn't believe," he laughed, hitching me up higher on his waist.
I laughed again and kissed him once more, sucking his top lip in between mine and gently nipping at it before backing away from him. He pouted at me, groaning and playfully narrowing his eyes at me. I smiled, framing his face with my hands and leaning in to rest my forehead against his.
"You need to put me down."
He grinned and shook his head. "No, I don't think that I'm going to."
"How else am I going to make us something to eat?" I laughed, gently dragging my thumbs over his cheeks.
"That could be tricky." He tipped his head from side to side before finally shrugging his shoulders. "We can make it work."
And with that, he'd turned us both around and was striding back down the stairs before I could protest. I held on tightly, squeezing my eyes shut and praying to all that was holy that he wouldn't trip or miss a step.
With the luck that he'd been having today, it was enough to make me nervous. I didn't even want to think about how we'd get to the hospital if the both of us were severely injured.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I felt him step off of the stairs and onto solid ground, opening my eyes to see that we were easily gliding through the dining room and were almost into the kitchen.
"See? Not so bad after all, was it?" he asked brightly, noisily kissing my cheek as he stopped in the middle of the kitchen. "What were you planning on making?"
I just shook my head at him, laughing.
"You're something."
"Mm," he hummed, kissing me again. "You love me regardless."
"And you're very lucky that I do. What do you feel like eating?"
"Pancakes."
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Seriously?"
He nodded, smiling brightly at me as he walked over to the freezer and nodded at it.
"Seriously. Mix is in there, if you'd get it. I seem to have my hands full."
"I told you to put me down," I said easily, shrugging as I opened the freezer door and grabbed the mix from the shelf. "I can't help it if you refuse to listen to me."
"I refuse to apologize for holding onto my beautiful and highly amazing girlfriend."
He kissed my neck and I bit my bottom lip, sucking a deep breath and swallowing hard.
"In fact," he continued, backing away and allowing my breathing to return to normal once again, "I don't think that I'm ever going to let you go."
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