*Edward*
*Christmas*
"Edward! Edward, you have to get up!"
I groaned and rolled over, grabbing my pillow and slapping it over my head as I curled into the fetal position in my bed.
It was way too fucking early for Alice.
"Edward!" she screeched, pounding on the door. "It's Christmas!"
I don't care, Alice.
"You have to get up! We're going to open gifts before everyone gets here!"
Well then, be my guest.
"Edward, get up!"
I'm quite comfortable, thank you, and you just interrupted the dream I'd been having about a certain brunette that I was pretty fucking in love with.
A certain brunette that wasn't even on the same coast as I was anymore.
I groaned and my heart twisted painfully as I pulled the pillow a little tighter over my head and curled my legs up to my chest even more.
I hadn't been this way the whole time I'd been home. I'd put an astronomical effort into being as normal and not as heartbroken as I really felt so that I didn't ruin anything for them. For the most part, it had seemed to work because no one had said anything differently to me.
And then I'd stupidly gotten online to check my email last night and had seen pictures of Bella at the airport the day I'd left in the email that Jeannie had sent me.
I realized that I was a pain in the ass client most of the time, but did she really need to send that to me with a note that merely said, "It's started, Edward. I hope she's ready for this"?
And even the pretense of trying to be happy and normal had flown completely out the window. I hated that she'd seemed to collapse after I'd left and I hated it even more that there were people around with their stupid cameras to document all of it.
Even more than that, I hated that I wasn't there to make it better for her. I hated that all we had were phone calls to each other and I hated that I couldn't be there for her the way I was rightfully supposed to be.
I hated this.
I hadn't really been able to sleep that night, thinking about all the people that were probably following Bella around with cameras and making her uncomfortable in her hometown all at my expense. An hour and a half after everyone else had gone to bed, I'd gone back downstairs and had started surfing around to find that there were more pictures of us at the airport. There were a few when I was with her and then the rest had been back to her, sitting in the seat behind her with tears rolling down her cheeks, or leaning against Charlie as he led her towards the escalator and out of the airport altogether.
I'd wanted to scream and throw things and fly my ass back to New York so that I could shield her from all of it. Instead, I'd angrily shut the computer down and had walked back upstairs and into my room in a sad attempt to try falling asleep.
I'd finally fallen asleep staring at the clock next to me at around five in the morning only to be woken up two and a half hours later by Alice.
One of these days, I was going to buy her a muzzle and I didn't give a shit what Jasper thought about it.
Why in the hell was she even here this early anyway? Shouldn't she be doing the gooey gift exchange between her and Jasper first thing this morning instead of torturing me?
"Edward!" Alice screamed and I heard the doorknob rattling. "If you're ass isn't up in five minutes I'm bringing up some ice cold water!"
I sighed heavily and threw the pillow across the room, uncurling myself from my sheets and lazily reaching over on the nightstand to grab my cell phone and quickly turn it on.
No matter if my bedroom door was locked, the little pain in the ass would find a way in and she wouldn't be merciful. The ice cold water would probably just be the beginning.
Once my cell phone was on, I punched in the number to my house and placed the phone against my ear, closing my eyes and reaching up to rub my forehead as I listened to it ring.
The one thing that hadn't changed since I'd been back home was the need to hear her voice the minute I woke up. It wasn't the same as waking up with her, but it was as close as either of us was going to get for quite a while.
"Merry Christmas," she answered.
A smile immediately tugged at my lips and I rolled onto my side, reaching out with my free hand to place it on the cold side of the bed where she would've been laying if I were still in New York with her.
"Merry Christmas, love. What time are you going to your dad's?"
"In a few hours," she grunted and I heard the oven door snap shut.
"What are you doing?" I laughed groggily, turning and burying my nose into the extra pillow next to me.
"I'm making pie," she sighed heavily and I smiled.
"What kind of pie?"
"Apple."
"Mm," I mumbled, sucking in a deep breath and trailing my fingers over the spot next to me.
"So what are you gonna end up doing today?" she asked and I heard her grunting again.
Was there really that much involved with making an apple pie? She sounded like she was beating something into submission.
"Well, I was originally planning to sleep in," I sighed, fisting my hand into the sheets and clenching my teeth together. "But apparently that's not allowed."
"How come?"
"Alice."
"Ah."
"Yes."
She laughed and my lips twitched into a smile as I relaxed my hand in the sheets.
"She loves you."
"I wish she'd love me from her and Jasper's house. I can deal with it a lot better when she's there and I'm here."
She laughed again and I rolled onto my back, keeping my eyes closed as I draped my arm over them.
"Do they live in Washington all the time?"
"They have a loft in New York, a castle in Switzerland, a house here, a place in Paris, and I was informed the other day that they've just bought a condo in LA. She's opening a store there," I grumbled, rubbing my forehead again.
"That'll be nice to have her there though, won't it?"
"Yeah, I guess."
She laughed and I smirked again. I loved the sound of her laugh and I loved knowing that I was the one that caused it in the first place.
"She's not that bad."
"You've only seen half of what she can do, my love."
I looked up when I heard the door to my bedroom open and my eyes widened as Alice walked in with a large steel bowl full of what I could only be sure was ice cold water.
"Alice!" I screamed, jumping up off the bed and holding my free hand out to ward her off. "I'm up!"
"As you should be," she nodded, triumphantly. "Now get downstairs."
"Why are you such a pain in my ass?"
"Why are you being such a pain in the ass? It's Christmas for Christ's sake! Get out of bed!"
"I'm up! I'm out!"
"Now get downstairs!"
"In a minute!"
She held the bowl up again and I flinched, holding onto the phone as tightly as I could without crushing it in my grasp. As if the damn thing might shield me from the freezing cold water she was threatening me with.
"Hi Bella!" she chirped before turning on her heel and walking out of the room, whistling to herself.
"Fuck, she's a pain in the ass," I grumbled.
I heard Bella laughing and even as I grabbed a shirt to pull over my head and through my annoyance, I managed to smile. I quickly put the phone down on the bed as I slipped the shirt over my head, picking it up and slowly making my way out into the hallway of my parents' house.
"I miss you, you know," I said softly when she'd calmed down.
"I miss you too," she answered back, sighing.
"We're almost there. February isn't that far away if you really think about it."
"No, I know."
"Edward!" Emmett bellowed, his large frame coming into my field of vision at the bottom of the stairs, his arms spread out at his sides. "Get off the damn phone, boy!"
I often wondered if he was adopted. He was ten times bigger than either me or my father, he was loud and annoying more times than I could really deal with and while he was outgoing and energetic like Alice was, he took it to an extreme. He had to let absolutely everyone know that he'd entered a room and if no one looked up at him when he announced it, he made sure to announce it as many times as it took to get their attention.
It worked well for his professional life – being a sports announcer and all – but in his personal life, all it did was manage to annoy the shit out of those of us that have known him his entire life.
"Emmett! Language!" Esme yelled from some unknown depths of the house.
"It was damn, mom! Not fuck!"
"Emmett!" she screeched.
I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily.
"I really miss you," I mumbled.
"Edward!" Alice sang, dancing up behind my brother and jumping onto his back. "Come on! I wanna see what Santa brought me!"
"I'm coming!" I snarled, relaxing a little when I heard Bella laughing at me again.
"I really miss you too," she finally managed.
"Why are you going so slowly? Aren't you the least bit excited?" Alice asked, peering up at me from over Emmett's shoulder.
"Alice, shut up already!" I exclaimed, finally making it to the bottom of the stairs and staring at my brother.
Emmett just laughed, his blue eyes alight with excitement as he reached forward and pushed on my forehead with his palm, almost making me lose my balance before I grabbed onto the banister.
"Get off the phone, lover boy! We've got gifts!" he exclaimed before wrapping his arms tightly around Alice's legs and walking off into the living room.
"Shut up!"
Giving in, I sat on the steps and ran a hand through my hair, pouting at the wall in front of me.
"I guess I'll let you go," I mumbled, pulling on the ends of my hair and closing my eyes tightly.
"Okay," she said quietly and I quickly moved my hand from my hair to place it on my chest over my heart.
Every time we had to get off the phone was like a little piece of me was being ripped away. My only connection with her was this phone and when she wasn't on the other end of the line, I didn't feel the same. I wasn't the same person when I wasn't talking to her or with her and I didn't like it. I didn't like being only half of what I was when I was with her.
I wanted to be whole again.
"Call me when you get back from your dad's, okay?" I asked, swallowing hard and praying that my voice sounded a hell of a lot stronger to her than it did to me.
"I will."
"Promise?"
"I promise that I'll call you as soon as I walk in the house tonight."
"That's all I ask."
She laughed softly and I smirked, starting to rub the heel of my hand over my chest.
"I love you, Bella," I said softly, opening my eyes to stare down at the beige carpet covered stairs I was sitting on.
"I love you too. I'll talk to you tonight."
"That you will. Have a nice dinner, Bella."
"You too."
"Okay," I breathed out, pressing my lips together and closing my eyes again.
"Okay."
I had to force myself – like I'd been having to force myself to do since I'd left – to move the phone from my ear and jam my thumb down on the button to turn it off. Letting out a low, aggravated growl, I buried both of my hands into my hair again, dropping my cell phone onto the steps below me and fisting them amidst the strands, pulling roughly.
I wanted her here with me. Being apart from her and living without her hadn't done a damn thing except make me realize how much I really did love her and how much it fucking hurt to be so far away from her.
I'd gotten spoiled when I was there with her. I'd woken up with her almost every morning and coming back to Washington to wake up alone was absolute fucking torture. Not being able to cradle her body against mine or feel her breath on my neck or to hear her mumbling that she loved me in her sleep was unfiltered hell to me.
"Edward?"
My eyes snapped open and I looked up to find first, that my eyes were watering and second, that Emmett was standing on the other side of the railing, one of his big hands curled around one of the thin rails as he looked at me.
I looked away from him, reaching up and rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes before looking back at him.
"Yeah?" I managed, my voice hoarse and weak.
Christ, I was pathetic. All of this over a damn phone call. With the woman that I was head over heels in fucking love with and hadn't seen in a grand total of three days.
I really was turning into a woman.
"You all right, man?"
"Fine." I waved him off, reaching down to grab my cell phone and stand up. "Just… tired."
"You could've talked to her, you know. We didn't mean… if I'd known that you…"
"It's fine. She was baking and had to get ready to go anyway."
He tilted his head at me, moving quickly and blocking off the stairs to trap me on them. Sighing and suddenly not having the energy to deal with him, I plopped back down on the step and looked up at him.
"Yes, Em, I'm a pathetic, love sick moron just like we always accuse Jasper of being. Go on," I waved a hand at him and hung my head, reaching up and scratching the back of my neck. "Be my guest."
"You really love her."
I looked up at him again, raising an eyebrow and leaning into my hand as I sighed.
"Yes."
"Happened kind of quick, didn't it?"
"Yes."
"But you really love her."
"Your point?" I grumbled, rubbing the back of my neck.
He shrugged, moving out of the way and sitting down on the step next to me. I grunted when he sat on my thigh and moved over, glaring at him and setting my phone down on the step beneath us again to clasp my hands together.
"You've never really committed to anyone since you moved out to California. It just surprises me, is all."
"You don't know Bella." I smiled softly and tapped the sides of my fists against my forehead. "She's pretty fucking perfect."
"No one's perfect," he scoffed, lightly slapping my arm as he leaned his elbows back on the stairs.
"Perfect for me," I said quietly, letting my hands fall out in front of me as I dropped my head down in between them.
"That's some heavy shit."
"Tell me about it," I grumbled, lifting my head and reaching up to rub my face with my hands.
"Miss her a lot, huh?"
"Are you going to continue to state the obvious or is there a point to this conversation?"
He shrugged, looking over at me and grinning.
"I just figured that you'd want to talk to someone. And mom was rounding people up to help her out with dinner so I figured I'd see what you were doing."
I rolled my eyes, running my hands through my hair again. He'd do anything to stay out of the kitchen during the holidays. Our mother was a nervous wreck before all of our relatives showed up and we all did our best to look busy or disappear when she walked into the room looking frazzled and holding a wooden spoon.
Our father usually got sucked into helping because he was too oblivious or focused on a football game to notice when everyone else scattered.
"What about the gifts you and Alice were spewing on about?"
"We're gonna give mom enough time to get the turkey stuffed and then we'll get back to those."
I smirked slightly and laughed a little, shaking my head.
"When do I get to meet her?"
I shrugged, dropping my hands again to stare at the wall in front of us.
"I don't know. I won't see her again until February and even then, I'll be out in California."
"Maybe I'll come and visit."
I shrugged again.
"If you want to."
"If this girl has got you all torn up inside about her, then yeah, I think I definitely need to meet her."
"I'm gonna marry her, Emmett," I said quietly, still staring at the wall. "I don't care if we've only been together for a few weeks and that for half of our relationship, we're gonna be on different sides of the country. One day, I'm going to marry her."
"She knows that?"
I nodded silently, licking my lips.
"I told her that she was it for me. I'm pretty sure that sums it up."
"Did you mean it?"
"More than anything."
"Then I'm happy for you, bro."
I nodded my thanks, swallowing hard around the lump in my throat and not trusting myself to speak.
"But how's that going to work?"
"What?" I choked out, looking over at him again.
"If she's out there and you're over on this side of the country, how in the hell are you two gonna get married?"
I blinked at him.
"We're gonna… uhm…"
"Haven't thought about it, have you?"
"She'll… move here with me?"
"Then why didn't she come out here with you in the first place?"
"She has her… her family and her friends are there. She owns her own bookstore. She can't just pick up and leave for me."
"And do you think any of that will change just because you've got a ring on her finger?"
He raised an eyebrow at me and I stared at him, my mouth moving up and down as I attempted to make some sort of noise or argument.
"Did you ever think of staying there with her, Edward? Ever think of giving everything up or somehow making it work while you stayed in New York so that you could be with her? Did either of you really weigh the options you both clearly have?"
"How am I supposed to stay there?" I asked, glaring over at him and thankful that I'd found my voice.
"How does Nicole Kidman have a house in Nashville and a newborn baby with her husband?"
I stared at him.
"How do you even know something like that?"
"She's still doing movies!" he exclaimed, completely ignoring my question. "She's still acting and her career is perfectly fine, Edward."
I opened my mouth and closed it again, blinking slowly at him. He had a point. There were tons of actors and actresses who didn't live in Los Angeles and still had these huge careers in Hollywood.
Why couldn't mine be the same way?
"Hey!" Alice exclaimed, showing up in front of us out of nowhere. "Turkey's in the oven, let's go."
Emmett clapped me on the back before quickly hoisting himself off of the steps and nearly running Alice over on his quest to get to the living room and plant his ass on the floor in front of the massive Evergreen tree like he did every Christmas, acting as if he hadn't completely altered my way of thinking within the last few minutes he'd been talking to me.
It was absolutely amazing how short his attention span could be.
"You all right, Edward?" Alice asked, her hand on the ball of the banister.
I nodded as I licked my lips and stood up, bending down to grab my phone and walk down the few steps to stand next to her.
"Yeah."
"You miss Bella a lot, huh?" she asked, smiling sadly at me.
I sucked in a deep breath and nodded, offering her a shaky smile before reaching up and ruffling her hair.
"Yeah."
She twisted her lips to the side before launching herself at me and wrapping her arms tightly around my waist. The lump was back in my throat as I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and swallowed hard.
"Don't worry, Edward. You're both gonna be fine."
I nodded, squeezing her once before taking a deep breath and moving from her embrace.
"Come on," I started, clearing my throat. "We've got some gifts to open."
~*~
"Edward, play," my mother demanded, nodding toward the grand piano in the corner of the living room.
I looked over at her, raising an eyebrow and shifting uncomfortably as the rest of our family members stared at me, waiting expectantly.
It was one of our traditions, of course. Every year after dinner and before everyone went home for the night, I was expected to play as many damn Christmas songs as I could possibly think of on the piano. We'd done it as soon as I started playing actual notes instead of just making noise and any other year, I was happy to do it. I loved playing; it gave me an excuse to get lost in thought or in the music and I didn't have to think about the horrid sweater one of my father's oddball relatives had gotten me for Christmas that year or the way my mother kept hinting about this girl she thought I might be interested in that worked at her studio.
But this year, I couldn't even find it in me to want to play happy Christmas carols when all I could think about was Bella and how much I wanted her to be with me right now.
Was I being selfish? Yes. Was it fair to deprive my family members of the one thing they asked of me every year? No. Did it make a damn bit of difference to them that I'd barely said more than necessary to any of them during the entire day? Not at all.
And with Emmett's words still ringing in my ears, it was pretty damn hard to concentrate on small things like positioning my hands on a set of keys just right.
"Mom," I groaned.
"Edward," she stated, raising a perfectly sculpted and expectant eyebrow at me as she started to clean up the wrapping paper in the seating area of the living room that had been neglected when dinner was set on the table.
"Come on, Edward," Alice insisted, reaching over to grab my arm and pull me up. "It won't be that bad."
"Alice, I really…" I started, letting her pull me up and lead me over to the corner of the room.
"I know you're miserable and we all know that the last thing you want to keep doing is pretending to be happy… which you've been doing a very bad job of, by the way. But it's Christmas and I haven't heard you play in a very long time." She pouted up at me, still hanging onto my arm. "I miss your playing, Edward."
Looking down at her, I sighed heavily and nodded, plopping down onto the bench seat and sliding into the middle of it. Alice clapped enthusiastically before sliding onto the bench next to me and watching as I lifted the lid on the keyboard.
For as much as she annoyed me most of the time, she was also practically the only one who could make me do anything that I never wanted to do. I didn't have a scar on the inside of my thigh from falling out of the huge damn tree in the backyard because of Emmett, sadly enough.
I ran my fingertips over the white keys, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes as I positioned my hands.
"It doesn't even have to be all Christmas songs," Alice said quietly in my ear. "Maybe it'll make you feel better."
I opened one eye and scoffed at her before taking another deep breath and closing my eye again.
The only thing that would make me feel better at this point was having Bella sitting by my side instead of Alice.
It's not like I didn't love my family. I did. If it weren't for them, I don't know where I'd be. They were the ones that encouraged me to go to California and see what I could do. They were the ones that told me how much they loved me when I called to tell them that I thought I was going to come home and give it all up. They were the ones that took care of me when I needed them and never asked for anything in return. They were the ones that I could always count on to be there when shit went wrong and I needed somewhere to run to. And I'd never be able to repay them for that or let them really know how much they meant to be.
But it didn't change the fact that I still missed Bella more than anything and the only thing that I'd really wanted for Christmas was to see her and have her tell me that she would just stay with me no matter where we were.
"Come on, Edward," Alice said softly, reaching up and rubbing my shoulder. "Bella wouldn't want to see you like this."
I blew out a deep breath and before I realized it, my fingers were flying across the keys, churning out the melody of Frosty the Snowman. I moved on from that and into Winter Wonderland, Silent Night, and the Hallelujah chorus.
I don't know how long I sat at the piano, my head down and my fingers flying across the keys before I realized that I wasn't even attempting to play Christmas carols anymore. It was high notes and low notes and everything in between. My hands were moving over notes that made my heart hurt in one second and in the next, they were tinkling along the higher notes in a way that made my lips twitch into a smirk.
It was the way I felt for Bella in a song, pouring straight from my heart and directly through my fingers, surrounding the room and my family members in everything I felt for the woman I'd fallen in love with without me noticing that this wasn't anything remotely like Rudolph.
My hands fell from the keys a few moments later and I slowly looked over to find that Alice wasn't sitting next to me anymore, but wrapped up in Jasper's arms across the room with tears trailing down her cheeks. I tilted my head at her, confused before I looked around to find that the rest of my female family members also appeared to be crying while their significant others held them in their arms and simply stared at me.
Well, hell.
Good job, Edward, you dumbass. Make everyone fucking cry on Christmas.
I'm buying a deadbolt for my bedroom and reminding myself to never come downstairs when I wasn't near Bella. This wasn't fair to them; this wasn't what I'd intended to happen.
Swallowing hard, I closed the lid and ran my hands nervously through my hair, standing up and shifting uneasily on my feet.
"Uhm," I laughed nervously.
And before I had a chance to say or do anything else, my mother was flying off the couch out of my father's arms and had her arms wrapped tightly around me as she sniffled into my shoulder.
"Oh, honey," she mumbled, one of her hands reaching up to cup the back of my neck. "That was beautiful."
I dropped my arms, wrapping them around her shoulders and resting my cheek on the top of her head. Alice most definitely got her height from our mother.
"I didn't mean to…"
"Shh," she cut me off, backing up and standing up on her toes to gently kiss my cheek. "It was wonderful."
"Thank you," I said quietly, bowing my head a bit and reaching up to run a hand through my hair again.
It was then that most of my family members decided to take their leave, as always. I was hugged to within an inch of my life, kissed all over my face by my very exuberant and half drunk aunt and patted awkwardly on the back by my uncle as they exited the house. My grandmother was the only one left, sitting in one of our armchairs and talking quietly with my father.
"Well," Emmett boomed, standing up from his position in his armchair to stretch his arms over his head. "I guess that answers my question."
"What question was that?" my father asked, leaning back on the couch and propping his feet on the coffee table in front of him, clearly relaxing now that half of my family members had left.
Emmett looked over at me and smirked, nodding his head once as his arms fell back to his sides.
And I nodded back, sucking in a deep breath and attempting to smile as my grandmother shuffled up to me and hit me in the shins with her cane.
"Who is she?" she rasped, eyeing me.
I looked down at her, still smiling as I took in her white hair, hunched over figure and intent green eyes that I'd inherited from her, completely ignoring the pain in my shins simply because this was my grandmother and that's just what she did. I'd have a huge bruise in the morning, but I wasn't going to be the one to speak up to Elizabeth Mason and get my tongue sliced out. This was the woman who had tried to teach me how to cook on numerous occasions and this was the woman who had kept me in California when all I wanted to do was come home by telling me that I just had to wait and be patient.
Two weeks later, I'd gotten my first movie role and had taken her to the premiere.
"She's my Bella, grams," I answered softly.
"Well come on," she rapped my shins again before grabbing my hand in her frail one and leading me back towards the couch, "tell us about her."
"Mom, don't you have to get going? It's getting pretty late," my mother asked from her position against my father's side.
"Oh," she waved a hand at her and I helped her sit down in another armchair, "there are only so many times my grandson can fall in love with someone."
"Hey!" Emmett whined, pouting down at her. "You never wanted to hear about my previous girlfriends!"
"When you get your ass in gear," she wagged a finger at him, "and finally find the one for you, I want to hear all about her too."
He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, bending down and reaching underneath the tree to grab the tin of sugar cookies my aunt gave to us every year. Still slightly pouting, he flopped onto the floor and protectively held the tin in his lap as he savagely ripped off the top.
"Emmett, dude," Jasper laughed, finally speaking up as he led Alice back into the middle of the room and pulled her onto his lap as he sat down on an ottoman. "That thing is gonna be gone by morning."
"So?" he mumbled, his mouth already full.
"You're disgusting," Alice laughed, gently kicking his knee with her toes.
He narrowed his eyes at her, his mouth still chewing as he curled up into the smallest ball he could manage in an attempt to hide the tin from her.
"Mine."
"With you drooling all over them, who says I'd want one anyway?" she scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back against Jasper.
I laughed at them, shaking my head before my grandmother brought me back to attention by hitting my shins yet again.
Next year, I was wearing protective gear.
Next year, I was bringing Bella so that my grandmother could do more than just hear about her.
"Come on, boy," she demanded, her eyes bright as she leaned back in the chair and set her cane off to the side. "I'm not getting any younger."
I laughed again, my heart feeling a bit lighter as I sat down on the couch next to my parents and took a deep breath before I began to tell all of them everything I could possibly think of about my Bella.
~*~
*December 31*
"You're going."
I barely looked up from the television, absently flipping through channels as I shook my head.
Emmett had dragged me down into the basement to the underused gym he'd begged my parents for in his senior year of high school in a sad attempt to get my mind off of things, mumbling something about brother bonding time.
He only managed to piss me off when he kept bringing up going out with Jasper for a few hours before the party and the target that was painted on the punching bag quickly morphed into his face.
I didn't want to go anywhere. I was perfectly content holing myself up in this house until I had to leave the day after tomorrow. But he kept trying and only pissing me off some more and I didn't realize that I'd been down there for three fucking hours with him until my back started aching about fifteen minutes ago.
And now Alice seemed to jump on the bandwagon and wanted me out of the house. Or, at the very least, out of her face for a while.
I was just as stubborn as she was and damn it all to hell if I was going to leave to go to a packed bar in the middle of Port Angeles for no rational reason on New Year's Eve.
"No, I'm not."
"Mom and I have a lot to do tonight and you can't be sitting in our way while we do it."
"Then decorate me. It wouldn’t be the first time."
"Edward!" Alice screeched, reaching forward and smacking my arm.
I merely raised an eyebrow at her, flipping past another channel and shaking my head again.
"Get out of the god damned house for a few fucking hours! We've all tried to be understanding and accepting of this funk you're in but it's becoming too much to handle right now. Jasper and Emmett want to go the pool hall for a little while. Go. With. Them."
Yes, I'd been a miserable bastard for the past three days. After Christmas, things hadn't been too horrible. I'd been able to tell my family all about Bella and it seemed to lighten the load sitting on my chest until I saw a few more pictures of her arriving and then walking up to her store.
I knew they'd eventually find her and photograph every little thing she did, but it didn't make it any easier. I was just really fucking happy that they hadn't seemed to follow her home yet. I hadn't seen my house pop up on any of the gossip sites that I'd been stalking for a few days now and though I still hated them, I loved that they hadn't taken it to that next step quite yet.
I knew it was coming, but the later the better. Once someone followed her home, I knew I'd have to convince her to move somehow. And I was pretty positive that that wouldn't be a very fun conversation to have with her.
"If I don't go?"
"I'm calling Bella and telling her to cancel her plans in February because you told me to."
My eyes widened and I snapped my head in her direction, pressing my lips into a tight line and wrapping my fingers a little tighter around the remote control.
"You wouldn't," I said through my teeth.
She grabbed my cell phone from its place on the coffee table and poised her finger over the speed dial button to my house, tilting her head challengingly at me.
"Get up."
"Give me the phone."
"Get up first."
"Give me the phone first."
I heard her push down on the number and launched myself off of the couch, throwing the remote down on the couch next to me, easily taking the phone from her and quickly clearing the screen.
"Good! Now go upstairs and take a shower," she chirped. "They're leaving in an hour and you smell like ass."
"You owe me."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she mumbled, waving me off as she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, screaming for our mother.
I glared at her retreating back before dragging myself towards the stairs, grumbling the whole way about how much I didn't miss living at home with her.
And in the entire week that I'd been home, it had seemed that she and Jasper spent more time here than they did at their own house. They were here when I came down the steps in the morning and they stayed until my parents went to bed.
I wasn’t even sure if Jasper saw his own family for Christmas since they'd been here with us the entire day. Hell, at this point, I wasn't sure Jasper even had parents that he was contractually obligated to see for holidays because neither of them spoke about them.
Emmett, too. He'd been there every waking moment and I was beginning to wonder if he remembered where his own home was located.
Groaning and glaring at the doorway Alice had disappeared through a few seconds ago, I started my way up the stairs and stared down at the screen of my phone.
It was a little past three thirty here, meaning that it was a little past six thirty over in New York, meaning that Bella should've been out of work and on this phone with me a few hours ago. I'd been distracted enough that I hadn't noticed before, but now that it was brought to my attention, I didn't like it. She'd said last night that she was closing as soon as she could since she was sure Rosalie would be breathing down her neck at that point, judged it to be around quarter to four and would call me as soon as she got home.
But my phone hadn't rung yet. It hadn't lit up and the stupid ring tone of that damn song that Angela played that day in the studio, "Come on, Get Higher" hadn't sounded yet.
Reaching up and scratching the back of my head, I made it up the rest of the stairs and walked into my room, still staring at the phone as I stood still in the doorway.
I shook my head at myself, hastily pushing down the speed dial number and hitting the call button. If she wasn't going to call me, well, I was damn well going to call her. We had a system and I wasn't going one day without hearing her voice for the second out of three total times that day.
No. It wasn't going to happen. This was all I had. No way was I going to let it slip.
I grabbed an extra set of boxers and a clean pair of jeans as I listened to the phone ring on the other end, nervously chewing on my bottom lip as I slowly walked out of my room and towards the bathroom at the end of the hallway. I jumped three feet in the air when I heard an automated voice through the line, clearly telling me that no one was home and to leave a message.
When the fuck did I get an answering machine?
I hung up and stood in the middle of the hallway, checking the number to make sure that it was the same number that I'd used earlier in the day. Growling at the phone, I called it again before marching into the bathroom and closing the door behind me.
When the stupid voice answered again, I clenched my teeth together and hastily ended the call again.
Okay, logically, she'd probably gotten all of her things moved into the house at this point. Logically, it probably meant that she'd brought the answering machine with her.
Logically, she should've been home at this point and I never would've been any wiser about it.
Why wasn't she home? Why didn't she have a cell phone?
Chucking the phone into the sink, I ran my hands through my hair and took a deep breath, closing my eyes tightly.
She just wasn't home yet, Edward. She could've gotten held up at work. She could've had some paperwork to go over. Just because she wasn't answering the phone didn't mean that she'd been attacked by thousands of paparazzi or chased down the street by a horde of screaming and highly upset teenage girls.
Bella had a life.
That was the whole fucking reason she wasn't here with me right now.
She had a life that couldn't just stop when I called no matter how much either of us may have wanted it to. Not everything is in perfect time or order or anything else.
She'd said that she was going out with Rosalie and Angela tonight – maybe they left early and wouldn't let her call beforehand. Or maybe she was in the shower and getting ready.
Yeah. There were tons of other, more logical reasons as to why she wasn't picking up the phone.
Sucking in a deep breath, I shed my clothes and walked over to the glassed-in shower, flicking on the knobs and willing my heart to stay in one fucking piece for longer than a few damn minutes at a time.
~*~
"Why are we here?" I grumbled as I followed Jasper and Emmett into the crowded pool hall.
"Isn't that the greatest question of all?" Jasper asked, smirking as he looked over his shoulder at me.
I scowled at him, keeping my head down as we walked up to the counter and waited in line to get the balls from the bodyguard-like guy standing behind it.
"Not what I meant."
"Loosen the fuck up, Edward," Emmett sighed, glaring over at me as he slapped money down onto the counter. "It's New Year's Eve, we've got the women at home making the house all festive like and in a few short hours, there will be some pretty hot fucking women running around with alcohol in their hands, completely ready to rid you of all your worries."
I glared at him, hooking my thumbs into my pockets and forcing them to stay there.
My brother could be a real dickhead when he wanted to be.
"Bella," was all I said.
"Is her snatch made of gold or something?" he asked, grabbing the padded box of pool balls from the counter and turning to me.
My hands balled up into fists and once again, I had to force myself to keep them at my sides as my vision glazed over in red. No one spoke about Bella that way; especially a member of my own damn family.
"Shut. Up."
"All right, enough," Jasper said, rolling his eyes as he stood in between us and held his hands out at his sides. "We were told that we weren't allowed back to the house until at least ten so both of you, shut up and start enjoying yourselves."
"I've been trying to!" Emmett exclaimed. "But he's been all whiny and bitchy since he came home."
I chose to ignore that comment, glaring at him quickly before looking back to Jasper.
"Ten? Isn't that kind of late?"
Jasper shrugged, shaking his dirty blonde hair out of his eyes and slowly lowering his arms when Emmett abruptly turned and started towards the other side of the room, eventually disappearing down the set of stairs that led to the bar area and a few more pool tables.
"I just do what I’m told."
"Aren't people going to start showing up at around nine or something?"
"Dude," he stated, rolling his head onto his shoulder to look at me and raise an eyebrow, "I've given up trying to reason and ask questions with Alice. It gives me a headache."
I smirked and nodded at him, understanding completely.
"Come on," I sighed, nodding toward the staircase. "He's gonna kill me if we don't get down there."
"You really do need to cheer up, though," he stated, punching my shoulder. "We know that you miss her, but we've missed you. Cut us some slack."
"Sorry," I grumbled, hunching my shoulders and sighing as I scanned the room.
It was amazing the kinds of people that showed up on New Year's Eve. High school kids hanging out and leaning against pool cues; men and women dressed in their best and probably only stopping in quickly before they headed off to a ritzy party for the night; sleazy guys leaning against the walls and eyeing everything walking by them that had breasts and wore heels.
My heart stopped when I saw a familiar shade of brown hair weaving in between bodies, one of her delicate hands clasped in another blonde girl's hand as they made their way over to the bathroom. My mouth fell open and I took a step forward, swallowing hard even as my heart starting working again, jumping in excitement in my chest.
I ignored Jasper completely, waving him off as I started off in the direction the girls had taken and only stopping when they turned around.
My heart fell and I swallowed again, shaking my head at myself before turning around and heading back to a very confused Jasper.
Of course she wasn't here. That was insane. She would've told me if she was coming out here. I would've known and I sure as fuck wouldn't be hanging out with my brother and brother-in-law.
"You all right?"
I nodded, forcing a smile on my face as I looked up at him.
"Thought I saw… someone I knew," I said, shrugging before turning towards the staircase and quickly walking over to it.
I needed a beer.
And Bella.
~*~
By the time we'd finished our third and last game of pool and were walking out of the building, it was ten-thirty, I'd consumed about five bottles of beer, had posed for a shit ton of pictures with a few fans when they'd come up to me and I'd "seen" Bella about sixteen different times.
By the fifth time, I was beginning to get pissed off. It was a flash of hair or the faint sound of her laughter or the smell of her perfume or the complete illusion that she was the girl pressed up against the wall on the other side of the room with a pool cue in her hand.
There were a few reasons I could think of for why this was happening; I was losing my mind, Emmett had slipped something in my beer when I wasn't looking or I was wishing and hoping way too damn hard that she'd just appear out of thin air.
My heart hurt, I was slightly lightheaded and I hadn't managed to win a single damn game of pool no matter how much English I spun on the stupid cue ball.
Emmett and Jasper had taken great joy in beating my ass every chance they got and no matter how hard I tried, I missed almost every single shot I tried to make. But my head wasn't in the game. I was trying so damn hard to be upbeat and show my family that I'd missed them just as much as Jasper had claimed that they'd missed me but it wasn't working. My head was in a cabin in upstate New York and I couldn't do a damn thing to change it.
To make matters even worse, the real Bella still hadn't called me. I'd had my cell phone glued to my side all damn night and her ring tone hadn't sounded through yet. Jeannie's had, Tanya's had and even Alice's had at one point to ask us when we were going to come home, but not Bella's.
It was way past midnight in New York at this point and she hadn't even called to wish me a happy New Year. I hadn't heard a word from her since I'd called her this morning when I woke up.
I was beyond even being worried or slightly pissed off at this point – I was fucking terrified that something had happened to her.
And when I voiced this, Emmett not so politely told me that if something had happened, someone else would've called me at this point and that I needed to get my head out from between her legs and get it back into the game.
Not that it was ever in the game to begin with but I guess that didn't make a difference to him.
I'd decided that I was buying her a cell phone and I didn't care what she had to say about it. This was driving me insane; not hearing from her and not knowing whether she was okay or not and not being able to get a hold of her or anyone else. I'd even tried to call Rosalie and Angela's homes – after a very frustrating call put in to information – but no one was answering there either.
"Dude, calm the fuck down," Emmett rolled his eyes as he pulled out of our parking spot once the guys with cameras that had spotted us a few hours ago had moved and started down the road. "She's probably just trashed and hasn't been able to figure out how to work a phone."
I glared at him and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning against the seats in the back and not so gently kicking the back of his seat.
"Easy on the seats! I just had this cleaned!" he screeched, reaching back and smacking the side of my head.
I grabbed his wrist and twisted it, waiting to hear him howl in pain before letting go and glaring at the back of his head.
"There are paparazzi out there, watching her every move, Emmett! Something could've happened to her; one of them could've hurt her!"
"Listen, her father's a police guy right?" Jasper sighed, twisting around in the front seat to look back at me.
I nodded.
"And if anything had happened to her, you'd probably be one of the first people that he'd call. You haven't heard from him so I wouldn't worry about it. No news is good news."
Damn optimistic asshole had a point. Did it stop my brain from nagging me? Not a chance in hell. But there was also a smaller part of my brain telling me that he was right and I knew it. I was getting worked up over my girlfriend having a life and going out to have fun like I made her promise me that she'd do. Just because she hadn't called didn't mean anything.
The car ride continued, Emmett and Jasper both hurling insults at me and I humored them enough to sneer and kick their seats before Emmett started bitching that I was worse than Jasper was.
And I really didn't want to deal with that conversation again. It was ongoing and it had gotten monotonous and pointless over the years, only succeeding in pissing almost everyone off until someone bought a round of beer to shut everyone else up.
We finally pulled up to the house, not at all surprised to find that the driveway was full of cars, the house was completely lit up from top to bottom and I could already see people out smoking on the patio facing my mother's prized vegetable garden, their voices raised in drunken laughter.
"Late, aren't we?" Emmett mused before parking the car off to the side of the driveway and snatching the keys from the ignition.
"You might say that," Jasper agreed, nodding as he pushed open the car door and climbed out.
"Worth it, though," I managed to say as I unfolded myself from the back of the car.
And then Emmett was standing next to me, one of his arms flung over my shoulders as he leaned on me and started up the path to the front door, weaving us in between cars.
"I'm so gonna get you laid tonight, brother."
I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
"No, you're not."
"We'll see," he grinned, letting go of me and hopping up the steps to the door.
"You'd think that he never had a steady girlfriend before," I grumbled to Jasper as we walked up the stairs as well.
"Hey, he's single and having fun." He shrugged, pushing through the half-open door. "Sometimes I envy him."
"Don't let Alice hear you say that," I grumbled, trying to shoulder my way around people in an attempt to find a place that I could breathe in.
There were bodies everywhere and the music was decently loud, drowning everything else out as we walked further into the room. Emmett had already disappeared and was probably hitting on some of the scantily-clad women he always invited to these things. Looking behind me, I noticed that Jasper had disappeared as well and sighed, shaking my head as I finally made my way over to the stairs.
"Hey!"
I looked up to see Alice skipping down the stairs, her hand resting lightly against the railing. She smiled as she finally reached me, throwing her tiny arms around my neck. I laughed and hugged her back, shaking my head and wondering how many drinks she'd had throughout the night.
"What do you think?" she yelled, backing away from me and somehow managing to twirl around on the step she was on without falling off.
"You look amazing, Al!"
She was wearing a red silk dress, her hair was all styled and she looked the absolute epitome of New Year's Eve hostess.
"Naturally." She grinned at me, slapping my arm. "There's a suit on your bed in your room. Go."
"Alice," I sighed, shaking my head. "Do I really need to get all dressed up?"
"Please?" she asked, her bottom lip poking out in a pout and her eyes widening in the exact way she knew I wouldn't be able to resist.
"Fine," I sighed heavily, shaking my head and gripping the stair railing in my hand.
"Thanks, Edward!"
She leaned down and kissed my cheek before walking by me and into the sea of people. I smirked and shook my head before pulling myself up the stairs and finding my way to my room.
As she'd said, there was a black suit lying out on my bed with a very thin tie wrapped around the hanger and a pair of shiny black, surely uncomfortable dress shoes waiting for me.
Why was there always a need to get dressed up for New Year's Eve anyway? Most people just got completely trashed at whatever party they were at and ended up ruining all their good clothes and then bitching about it the next day.
But this was Alice. And Alice needed to have everyone looking their best for reasons unbeknownst to me. She didn't care what they did or what they got on them as long as they were wearing them and looked good while they were at it.
Shaking my head, I stripped and pulled the suit on, walking over to the mirror over the chest of drawers I've had since I was sixteen and adjusting my tie before grabbing the shoes and sliding them on my feet. Finished with that, I grabbed the jacket and slung it over my shoulders, grabbing my cell phone and looking down at the screen one more time before heading back down the stairs.
Still nothing.
It seemed that the party had grown immensely in the fifteen or so minutes that I was occupied. My family was huddled in the middle of the living room, right underneath the completely unnecessary disco ball Emmett had insisted upon a few nights ago. I swallowed hard when I saw a brown head of hair that clearly didn't belong to the family members of mine that were surrounding her and closed my eyes tightly, gripping the railing as I walked down the rest of the stairs.
She wasn't here, Edward. Knock it off. It was probably just another one of my parents' colleagues or a friend of Alice's or my brother's. It was not Bella.
Opening my eyes again, I made it to the bottom of the stairs and quickly snaked around people to the drink and food table I'd seen on the other end of the room from the top of the staircase. Grabbing a bottle of beer, I twisted the top off and threw it with the rest of the tops on the table before turning around and stuffing my free hand in my pocket.
The family huddle I'd seen in the middle of the room had disappeared and there stood Bella.
Or who I thought was Bella.
She was just standing there, with her hands clasped in front of her and her eyes trained on me. Great. Now my mind was actually conjuring up complete replicas of my girlfriend. Perfect. Just what I needed to deal with. As if it wasn't hard enough to begin with; now my mind had put her in a long black curve-hugging gown, curled her hair and had her standing directly in the middle of the room underneath that damn disco ball. She was gorgeous and a complete figment of my imagination. I wasn't going to fool myself this time. This time, I knew better and I wasn't going to get my hopes up.
I scoffed and rolled my eyes, looking away and lifting the beer bottle to my lips even as my heart cracked painfully in my chest.
She wasn't here. She's not standing there. She's on the other side of the country, probably blissfully drunk and hopefully safe. She's not here.
My eyes trailed back to the middle of the room on their own and she was still standing there. Her bottom lip was in between her teeth and her hands were nervously twisting around each other as she stared back at me.
I narrowed my eyes at her, lifting the bottle to my mouth again as she continued to stare back at me. I watched as she turned slightly, standing on her toes as she seemed to search for someone in the crowd.
And I knew that when she turned back around, it would be someone different who was eyeing me from across the room. It wouldn't be her and despite my best efforts, my heart would crack a little more when I realized that I was right.
But then she did turn around and the lights from the disco ball glinted off of a tear on her cheek as she faced me again. It was still her; it was still Bella standing there in the middle of the room. And I just stared at her, my mouth hanging open.
In all the times that I'd imagined her tonight, she'd never been crying. She'd never been upset; always laughing and seemingly very happy in everything I'd imagined.
I watched as she looked away from me, over to her right at what was probably the front door and I dropped the beer bottle on the floor by my feet as my heart quickly seemed to mend itself and started beating rapidly against my ribs again.
It was Bella. She was here.
A breath whooshed out of my lungs and my mouth dropped open when she turned back to face me again, reaching up to wipe the tears off of her cheeks. I swallowed hard, reaching up and rubbing my hands over my face, looking between the spaces of my fingers to make sure that she was still standing there and that it was really her.
She was still there, only now she was looking down at her feet and had her arms crossed over her chest, one of her hands up by her face.
She was still crying.
Oh, fuck.
No. No crying. She wasn’t supposed to cry. She was too beautiful and she was too real to cry. She was real.
I made my legs move, my arms falling limply to my sides as I tripped over my own feet and pushed by people as they got in my way before I reached her. She looked up at me, her eyes wet and glistening as she dropped her arms to her sides and pressed her lips together.
"It's you," I whispered, reaching up with a shaky hand to brush hair behind her ear.
And the sparks – the ones I'd gotten used to and only briefly felt anymore were back in full force with that little gesture. My heart picked up speed and I choked out a laugh as she continued to look up at me, her bottom lip now back in her mouth before she nodded once.
"It's really…" I choked out, shaking my head before bending my knees and grabbing her around the waist, pulling her against me and lifting her off the floor to hold onto her as tightly as fucking possible. "Oh, God, it's really you."
Her arms wrapped around my neck, holding on just as tightly to me as she buried her face into my chest and nodded again. I let out a crazed laugh and closed my eyes tightly, swaying us back and forth as I buried my face in her neck.
I couldn't stop smiling or breathing her in or clinging to her and I didn't give a good damn about who might've been watching this entire thing.
I had my world back and that was all that mattered.
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